That was one reason that sent me into my protective shell. It's not the only one though. I admit it...Supermom (hahahaha) is overwhelmed. I've been overwhelmed with new phases of parenting...try and guess...oh yes...teenage years, got it in one!! Now I hasten to add, as teens go they're not the worst. However, it's different to what I'm used to. Ask me how to put a baby to sleep, I'm your woman. (Oh shoot...she's just soaked me with the hair washer spray!!) Ask me about cuddles and kisses and lullabys...I know all there is to be known. Ask me how to make sure your teen masters school deadlines and how to curb Twitter... Sorry...I've no advice whatsoever to offer. No doubt by the time number 6 reaches that age, just like my mother was, I'll be master of knowing when a psychological sick day shopping with Mum is more important than theorems and the reunification of Italy. Till that day I'll trundle on, poring over Dr Ray Guarendi and Dr Gregory Popcack to see me through. Overwhelmed with the fact that I have never mastered the word NO!! Overwhelmed with the expense both financial and emotional of back-to-school month. Overwhelmed at times with my workload. And sad that so many days I've thought of great blog posts I could write if only I could get out of this damn car...even if it is my new golden chariot that I never dreamed would be mine!!
Now, believe me, this isn't a whine whinge poor little me has it harder than everyone else post. Most of the time I struggle on through and am thankful for my busy life. Thank God for my busy life. How much better I have it than the lonely person I used to know who confided in me once that she hadn't seen a human being in a week...apart from those walking past her home, oblivious to the fact that there was someone inside who would have loved to spend a few moments chatting...to...someone...anyone.
No, I'm definitely not lonely and I actually am grateful for my lot in life. But hey..no pain, no gain eh? We all have suffering and at the moment mine is literally barely a minute to look at myself in the mirror! Is that good? Is that bad? Who knows, it doesn't really matter. That's where I am just now so that's where God must want me to bloom.
There are times when we all reach the point of wondering how we manage. Days when we think of that comfy grave...throw me in a plump feather pillow and I'll be happy to repose there for all eternity. And then I remember the lovely lady I worked with so many years ago who had raised 11 children as a young widow. I'm sure there were days she'd have given anything just to spend a few moments in the bathroom without a child knocking on the door. When I knew her she lived in the huge farmhouse she had reared her children...alone. One of her children lived in the same country. The rest had all emigrated. Statistics in my country's glorious history.
So I'm busy, I'm overwhelmed. But as my mother would say "Well, nothing would do you." I'm living my dream.
Well. I don't think I'm much different than any other woman. Is it part of our make up? Like the pelican, the symbol of the Blood Transfusion Service, who gives her blood for the sake of the young. And does it gladly? Believe it or not, I think that is part of the female psyche. I won't quote studies here, pretending to be an authority on what I'm not. The only thing I'm an authority on is my own experience. And to be authentic as I've promoted many times, I have to show the good along with the struggle. Well anyway, I think it's very typical of mothers, and NOT rightly, to sacrifice our own rest and relaxation when things get busy. And THAT is why I haven't posted of late. You know in famine situations, a nursing mother will begin to use up her own calcium, muscle etc before her breast milk suffers. Personally I would wish that for my child if I was in that situation. Fathers too...I am 100% sure that when a doctor told us our baby wouldn't be eligible for a heart and my husband said she could have his...he meant it without condition.
But you know, sometimes our circle can be too insular. I'm not running down the sincerity of my Buddhist and Hindu friends when I say that the aim of those is to become more and more self-aware to the point of perfect self-realisation. That differs quite radically to the Christian view. The Christian must aim to look OUTWARD...less and less ME and more and more the OTHER. It's easy to become encased in the cocoon of our own concerns and our own small circle, our family. But God wants more than that...spread out...expand...be more than you are.
So when recently several people told me they missed my blog. I realised that yet again I fell into the trap. The trap of my cocoon. Neglect that I need exercise, and prayer. One thing I've learned as a mother is that neither of those are optional extras. Forgot that it's NOT all about me and my family. My cosy and comfortable circle. Busy...but comfortable. So I've decided to blog again. (Actually I do lots of things outside my family so there's a bit of poetic licence here).
To get back into it I'm planning a post about books for Pre-teens/young teens. Every Christmas Santa Claus goes into OCD mode when it comes to books. He pores over book reviews for strong characters, gripping tales, role models and moral content. Literally by Christmas, poor Santa's eyes are hanging out on stalks around his chin with online research. But, call him boastful, he has found some true gems. So I'll shortly be compiling a list of what OUR children have LOVED!! I'll leave out the mediocre and the highly marketed or the obvious classics. You can find them for yourselves. I'll only post what has worked in our family. I'm not saying your child will love them, I'm just saying our children do. And I don't think we're that unusual so you might find it useful.